i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize