just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
