Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
