In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
