just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
