Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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