i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
