Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
