Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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