Kiss
Puke
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I could fuck to npr.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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