He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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