Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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