So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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