You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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