If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize