i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I have aggressive nipples.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
