dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
