we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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