My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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