I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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