Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I enjoy the company of your penis
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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