I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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