He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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