Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
