Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
