The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
