Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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