areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
