Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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