Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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