If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
