My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
