i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
