whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
