So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
