so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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