Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
