this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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