Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
