But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize