I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
