just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
