dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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