I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize