I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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