literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
my liver is dry heaving
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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