my mouth tastes like poor choices
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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