I wish I could punch you in the face.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
