dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
