last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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