I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
