I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
