just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize