Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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