what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
