WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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