i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
