ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
