I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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