This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
