Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
