I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
