New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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