You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
