the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
