Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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