You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just made out with a guy for $7.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
