Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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