I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
