Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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