i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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