I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
