am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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