Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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