yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
