Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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