I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
