You're so nebulous sometimes
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
