I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
