I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
