he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
