Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
