Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
