I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
