mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
