i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
