i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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