it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
