hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
it glows. i had to have it.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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