Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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