All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
we're so committed to being not committed
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
