God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
