I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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