four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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