Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
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