Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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