What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
