My balls are so social today.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
