youre lurking in front of me
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
