remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
