Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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