As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize