Can i not drive my cunt home
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
