last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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