He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
