What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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