Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
