I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
