i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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