I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
