I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
