Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
