College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
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