I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
