my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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