good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
