I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
