How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
