Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
